Say Anything(Why you should communicate now)

"Mothers and children, lovers, husbands and wives, who had a few days previously taken it for granted that their parting would be a short one, who had kissed one another good-by on the platform and exchanged a few trivial remarks, sure as they were of seeing one another again after a few days, or at most, a few weeks, duped by our blind human faith in the near future and little if at all diverted from their normal interests by the leave taking-all of these people found themselves, without the least warning, hopelessly cut off, prevented from seeing one another again, or even communicating with one another." Albert Camus, The Plague

While reading The Plague, a few passages really caught my eye. I lost an Uncle who I loved dearly in 2009. Every time I was with him I enjoyed his companionship so much, and yet I we rarely really communicated, and I regret that every time I remember him. Now, when I see my parents I try to drink everything in, I try to communicate with them what's going on in my life, and whenever I hug them good-bye, I pretend that it is for the last time. Those hugs last a little bit longer. When death hangs it's curtain, there is no more communicating. Do and say what you need to now. This sense of urgency will not betray you, although it may reveal weak relationships for what they are.

I wonder how often do we communicate with one another? And by communicate I don't mean the way we provide others with the fallen, broken branches from our great trunk of brain activity to those who ask, "How are you?" and we always lie in our reply, "I'm good." Parents ask their kids, "How was school today?" This is a perfect example, this question that doesn't really want an answer. It is completely formulaic, and so is the answer to it, "Fine." It is just a formula we use. We don't really want to know what they did at school. It just seems like the caring thing to do. Such "thinking" is thoughtless, and very often leads in the opposite direction of communicating. We assume, often correctly, that we will see a person "the next time" or "tomorrow". But those opportunities don't always come.

The most dangerous threat to communication is not silence, silence can mean so many things. If you kiss someone, and they keep trying to carry on conversation, of course that tells you they really don't want to kiss you. But if they are silent, well, that's all the communication you need! *Kids don't kiss until you're married ok? : p * Silence is communication. The threat is false communication. Lobbing words as if they were pebbles and you were trying to fill the ocean with them. We speak to one another about things we don't really care about, and call it communication. Granted, there is a time where we get comfortable with someone by engaging in small talk, but we take it too far and forget to engage one another. When was the last time you had a conversation where you divulged secret thoughts that you think perhaps no one else has? When did you take time to really explain yourself and let the emotions that stem from your thoughts get past the surface? Relationships die because of this doesn't happen.

What if someone you had a (supposedly) deep relationship with died? How much would be left unsaid, undone? How painful would the memories be because of what you had NOT done? How painful would the memories be because of what you HAD done? If we kept questions like these in the fore of our mind our relationships would be so much deeper, stronger, healthier, and all around enjoyable.

"In normal times all of us know, whether conscious or not, that there is no love which can't be bettered; nevertheless, we reconcile ourselves more or less easily to the fact that ours has never risen above the average. But memory is less disposed to compromise." -The Plague

I do not want ordinary friendships, or normal love. I set the goal high in order to avoid a life of regret. I want to love my wife out of my own will, because once the emotion passes, that is all you have. If she is not my best friend, if I cannot reveal my deepest, dumbest, most humiliating thoughts to her and likewise with her, our relationship will be like a mud puddle. That is, the depth will only be an illusion of the reflection, but I don't want the reflection of the sky, I want the sky. Real communication creates a safe place, and safe people as well. You can't communicate with everybody, some places and people demand common sense replies. But in close relationships, communicate.

Don't compromise when you can communicate. Say anything; or at least, begin there.