How I Met Bonhoeffer.

A personal hero of mine was a man I never had the privilege to meet. He was a German Lutheran pastor and theologian. As a part of the German Resistance, he openly resisted the Nazi movement. He was arrested because of his involvement with the Abwehr and an assassination attempt on Hitler. After a sunday service, he was led to his execution. Just weeks before the end of the war, his death was brutal. Stripped naked he was led to be hanged by a thin metal wire. A doctor present said this of the Pastor as he faced his death,

“I saw Pastor Bonhoeffer ... kneeling on the floor praying fervently to God. I was most deeply moved by the way this lovable man prayed, so devout and so certain that God heard his prayer. At the place of execution, he again said a short prayer and then climbed the few steps to the gallows, brave and composed. His death ensued after a few seconds. In the almost fifty years that I worked as a doctor, I have hardly ever seen a man die so entirely submissive to the will of God.”

He has had great impact on my life, yet i discovered him almost by accident. I was in Houston for a friends wedding, and afterwards the family was going to P.F. Changs, the parking lot of the Woodlands Mall was jammed, and we were obliged to take a rather long walk. Once inside the restaurant, and before everyone was still greeting one another, I realized that there we were one chair short. Being the only person there not related by blood, I decided to quietly take my leave and let them enjoy that happy moment as a family. I slipped out, and went to the Barnes & Noble I had seen across the street. I milled about, looking at this book and that. I had the feeling I sometimes get in bookstore where I feel as if I must find a new book to take home with me. I wandered a bit aimlessly upstairs and saw the 'Christian Inspiration' section. It seemed as good a place as any to start, so I began perusing the shelves and titles. I was bored to death. Catchy covers, big words, and all sorts of promises.

(I'm not sure if the hand is folded in prayer, or outstretched for a "blessing")

Such books have little value to me, and I don't see much reason for sifting through the chaff attempting to find the kernel of wisdom which may or may not be present in such books. I did find some books of interest, the sort that basically promise to have you crucifying yourself by the end of the first chapter(in all seriousness my favorites), and I made my selection and made my way to the escalators. When I stumbled over a display table much like this one...

Just a table, perhaps to display books that have been shelved so long they are forgotten. It was here that I noticed a book simple in it's cover, and bold in it's title. "The Cost of Discipleship". For some reason I put my selection down and picked this book up instead. I am not one to have spiritual encounters often, and if I do I am usually skeptical. However, I do believe that I was directed to this book. I tucked it under my arm and went to a nearby Panera Bread where I slurped my soup from a bowl of bread(awesome), and I cracked open the book. His thoughts hit me so hard I took notes on the receipt. And I wasn't past the introduction yet.

When I began reading Chapter 1-Costly Grace, I didn't know what to make of it. It was so full of irony it was confusing at first. Here is a sample of what I mean,

"Grace alone does everything, they say, and so everything can remain as it was before. ' 'All for sin could not atone.' ' The world goes on in the same old way, and we are still sinners ' 'even in the best life' ' as Luther said. Well, then, let the Christian live like the rest of the world, let him model himself on the world's standards in every sphere of life, and not presumably aspire to live a different life under grace from his old life under sin. That was the heresy of the enthusiasts, the Anabaptists and their kind. Let the Christian beware of rebelling against the free and boundless grace of God and desecrating it. Let him not attempt to erect a new religion of the letter by endeavoring to live a life of obedience to the commandments of Jesus Christ!"

Of course, I had thought in a similar way all my life, of course, never this clearly, otherwise I would have become of it's contradictions much earlier. I never realized that I was placing Grace above Christ until I read this. When everything is permissible vis a vis grace, why follow Christ if all we need is grace? Surely there can be no Christ or commandments to follow, all we need is grace. Bonhoeffer in his first pages challenged my faulty understanding of grace, and corrected it in those same pages.

It seems that Bonhoeffer could whisper his words to me and my heart would be wounded by the truth and my mind enlightened by the same. A week or so ago, I was reading The Cost of Discipleship, and he read my mail from the grave.

"You are disobedient, you are trying to keep some part of your life under your own control. That is what is preventing you from listening to Christ and believing in his grace. You cannot hear Christ because you are willfully disobedient. Somewhere in your heart you are refusing to listen to his call. Your difficulty is your sins."

Above all, Bonhoeffer pushed me to realize that any dedication to follow Christ must be an all or nothing effort(not as if it were 'of ourselves' but as he says, "not as a consequence of our obedience, but the gift of him who commands obedience").

"First obey, perform the external work, renounce your attachments, give up the obstacles that separate you from the will of God. Do not say you have not got faith. You will not have it so long as you persist in disobedience and refuse to take the first step. Neither must you say that you have faith, and therefore there is no need for you to take the first step. You have not got faith as long and because you will not take the first step but become hardened in your unbelief under the guise of humble faith."

How can this not impact your life? Some of these of deceptively simple and extremely difficult to bring about in our own lives, precisely for the reasons Bonhoeffer cites.

"If you don't believe, take the first step, it leads to Jesus Christ. If you don't believe, take the first all the same, for you are bidden to take it. No one wants to know about your faith or unbelief, your orders are to perform the act of obedience on the spot. Then you will find yourself in the situation where faith becomes possible and where faith exists in the true sense of the word."

There are still rules to follow even in a relationship. "The gracious call of Jesus now becomes a stern command: Do this! Give up that! Leave the ship and come to me!"

I am trying very hard to leave the ship. One leg is thrown over the side, and the waves tickle my toes. Meanwhile, my arms desperately cling to the last vestige of safety they know. I am a man divided by desires at this moment. But I will continue to obey Christ as best I can so that I may come to the "situation where faith becomes possible and where faith exists in the true sense of the word." That is, outside of the boat, where Christ calls us to be.

"This is the end — for me the beginning of life." - Bonhoeffer, to a fellow prisoner before being led away to his execution.

Westminster Abbey, West Door, Four of the ten 20th Century- Mother Elizabeth of Russia, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., Archbishop Oscar Romero, and Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer.